Diary of a Sellout

delayed reaction

2006-06-23T08:41:31Z

i'm engaged.

to stephanie

i won't be engaged after october 7th.

you can buy me a boss loop pedal and a macbook as wedding gifts.

that is all.

it's not half right

2006-04-05T08:54:24Z

fuck wherehouse music. fuck transworld. fuck bitches who write letters to companies about shit that they should have let go of about two minutes later. being treated mildly unfriendly (only because you're being a raging fat bitch) is a perfectly rational reason to make someone lose their income. hope she fucking chokes on a huge piece of steak that fat cunt.

fucking atrocious

2006-03-16T09:18:13Z

worst fucking show ever. half of it wasn't with a keyboardist. opened for one the shittiest bands in salt lake. stained kornhole. some shit. fucking wheel on my cab broke. nobody showed up. (probably for the best). fuck all this shit. i wanna quit. blah blah blah.

furstrated fireworks inside your head. . .

2006-01-22T10:37:00Z

seeing old friends just sucks. its basically eplaining what you've been doing with your life (absolutely nothing, thanks) and them judging you cause "you've changed". of course i've changed. i've lost people and have done things that i regret and have done things i never thought i'd do so of course that will change me. . .and all od the sudeen writing this seems so trite and so i'm going to stop and lay down on the floor and listen to my old pal elliott.

If patience started a band, I'd be her biggest fan.

2006-01-05T21:08:07Z

dark white, spork, violet run - burt's, jan. 13, 9:00 probably 5 or 6 bucks.

no confidence man

2005-11-21T04:40:48Z

i don't much fancy myself these days.

or you, or you, or you. and i fucking loathe you.

need to change the. . .kick. . .and. . .worked so hard. . .but. . .not worth it. So we just don't. A red light?

BLUE!

when will this all be over so i can rest in a nicely padded casket?

don't you know that i love you.

2005-10-30T05:29:18Z

yeah, you should go listen to this.

tell me what you think.

well fuck

2005-10-27T05:20:06Z

nothing is going as planned.

dark what?

how come i can sing and play the guitar together, but when i do them seperate it all goes to hell? yeah, i don't know either.

i want to stay in this room forever. never see anyone unless they come to see me. i want to be king isolatronic. i don't want any friends. just visitors. people bum me out. and i am a person too. i bum me out.

yeah. just. yeah.

fuck.

stay

2005-10-22T08:06:03Z

i just saw stay.

it might be my new favorite movie.

i feel different after watching it. . .it inspired me and scared me at the same time(not in the scary movie way. . .other ways).

go see it.

. . .

2005-10-18T17:59:23Z

[all the cliche depressing things people say about life sucking inserted here]

yeah. . .

2005-10-13T18:28:08Z

so last night i got payed about $65 to go to a $20 sold out show for free and hang out back stage. and make some little dudes days by making it so they could meet thrice. and i get to do it again on monday for the opeth/pelican show. this job is actually starting to be awesome again. even if i do look ridiculous in polo shirts.

------------------------------------------------------------

i am very excited for winter. i love being cold. and i love getting warm with lots of clothes or a big hug. and i want to eat soup on overcast days. and be blinded by fresh snow when i leave for work in the morning. fall and winter always inspire me, but i hope this year i will take that inspiration and put it into more than a drinking problem.

last night i dreamt that somebody loved me

2005-10-06T22:45:04Z

go spread your wings

2005-09-29T06:10:19Z

i can see cracks in it all. slowly spreading.

and then one day you go out to your car and the crack in your windshield spans the entire thing. kinda like. . .you know. . .

and some cells die and they kill the cells next to them and it slowly spreads, so you have to cut off the whole fucking leg after a while.

(this isn't about you so don't worry)

sometimes when i sleep on my arm weird it falls asleep to the point that i can't even move my fingers at all. its completely numb. but the kind of numb that cause a dull weird pain, so it's not really numb is it? thats how my emotions are kind of. i just kind of have a dull pain. but really its numb, but not really. or something.

i have never felt more like the color grey.

i feel taken for granted.

but maybe i really am granted.

and everything i even get a little excited for seems to never happen or passes me by.

just cause i'm alive doesn't mean i'm really living. right?

meh.

never got to say i'm sorry. i was sorry first.

2005-09-22T08:30:47Z

so the kilby show got canceled. bummer. it was cause no one showed up. not even the headliners. . .

i need to start writing and recording more of my own stuff.

not much else to say.

oh yes.

2005-09-18T00:15:44Z

i have internet again.

how fun.

optimus crime!

2005-08-19T05:49:07Z

by next week i will be moved into my new apartment.

on 9th and about 1050 south.

with stephanie.

yay!

shjsdab

2005-08-16T09:51:41Z

sorry. i'm drunk (as usual). and i just feel like telling the computer that i'm currently on that i have found the most amazing girl ever and i am so in love with her it scares me to the point of diareahha. and we're moving in together and it will be glorious.

and kalvin is coming home. which will also be glorious. word.

gonna make it. . .go away

2005-08-14T09:45:46Z

so the show on sept 21 is for reals yo. word.

heaters, sixfifteens, and dark white. at kilby. 7:30. not sure how much.

also, if you want to go to the show on august 22nd you can get tickets through us for cheaper and without a service charge.

please come. engine down, bella lea, and des ark are amazing bands. we are so lucky to play with them. so you should be there anyway besides to show us support.

. . .and then my head exploded. i am the exploding boy.

2005-08-11T05:52:28Z

oh shitass fuckin' . . .yeah.

August 22, Lo Fi Cafe, 7 PM, $8. Engine Down, Bella Lea, Des Ark, Dark White.

this is awesome. bella lea (and denali) are amazing. this makes me happyx12.

plus, later on.

Sept 9, Todd's, Model Down, When It Rains, Dark White.

Sept 14, Urban Lounge, Junius, Dark White (probably more bands. . .)

and possibly maybe a show with the Heaters and Sixfifteens at Kilby on Sept 21.

We will have demo's at all the shows, and hopefully stickers at the September shows. And maybe. . just maybe. . .a few hand-made shirts in September.

Please come! to all of them! if not for us. . .the other amazingx132 bands. we are so lucky to play with this many good bands in our first handful of shows.

mfgghmg. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2005-07-22T05:24:26Z

fuck. i'm useless.

Please please please let me get what I want.

2005-07-15T15:44:36Z

Get me a free i-pod!

I'm lame. I know. . .but I want one!

Help me get one!

If you do the BMG, you can just get popular ones and then sell them at my work. If you pick the right ones you'll make about 1.75+ on each CD if you get credit. then you can buy CD's you actually want. and i'll have an i-pod i really wan't.

jesus i'm a bastard.

cap'n's log

2005-07-08T20:26:24Z

july 7, 2005. dark white's first show. goes stupendously. panties are soaked. erections cannot be hidden. world domination is imminent.

yes perhaps?

2005-07-07T14:35:56Z

dark white.

velvet room.

doors 9, music at 10.

21+.

yay?

i don't even know

2005-06-22T17:02:43Z

-i've fallen victim to the O.C., the 90210 of our generation. i just finished season 1 and season 2 comes out in august. i am very excited.

-speaking of television shows, scrubs season 2 doesn't even have a release date yet. very sad. that is my favorite show by far.

-speaking of speaking of television shows on dvd, i will soon be the proud owner of arrested development season 1. it will be glorious.

-so in spite of what you have just read, i actually do have a life. . .and a very exciting event is on the horizon. dark white will have our first show on july 7th at the velvet room. its 21+ and the doors are at 9:00. again this is rather silly to say here seeing as the only dude who comments will be standing behind some keyboards on the stage.

-i need a better mic.

-i need a new acoustic guitar. mine is reaching 10 years old as is kind of falling apart.

-peanut butter filled fudge shoppe cookies are dope fresh. they will be the reason i am fat instead of beer now.

-come to the show.

le dulce vita

2005-06-10T05:55:39Z

things that are on my mind:

-nostalgia sucks.

-i seem to always reach a point in doing things that i love that i realize that every other person doing what i love actually knows what they're doing, and they are way better at it than me. for example art school, they knew what they were doing, i just drew when i wanted/needed to. i dropped out of school because i knew i could never compare to them. sadly, i am coming to the same realization with guitar. i don't know what i'm doing, i just know that i love doing it. my guitar tones are messy piles of garbage, i don't know what half my knobs and doohickeys REALLY do. they do. they know what the fuck is going on, they can make shit sound like it should. i can play a few riffs that make people think i have potential, when really i have jack shit.

-why is so god damn hard to get respect from people. even people who are allegedly "close" to you.

-fuck it.

-"good enough" is my new motto. the few instances i have put effort into things i get similair results, either people take it for granted or i just flat out fail. so i'll just do good enough as to not look like a complete pile of shit. (note: i never really follow through with shit like this and i continue to do what comes naturally even if it gets me hurt, walked on, disrespected etc.)

-since i only post when i'm pissed or depressed, i sound like one sorry sack of whiney shit. sorry about that.

-a few days and dark white will be heard.

-in the meantime check out somerabbit

-its silly to post links to my bands since the only dude who reads this is in both of them